Life's Little Journey

As a child growing up, I always remember my Mom telling me to marry a man who can build me a house, not buy me one. What is meant by this, is that it is important to remember that money is not something that should be valued at the same level as love. Money, can be a monetary fix; a band aid that momentarily makes a cut stop bleeding; but after you take the band aid off, there is usually scarring or bruising. Money can only be skin deep. Love, on the other hand, is the ability to be intuitive to other peoples deepest feelings. Love is someone who is patient, dedicated, talented and driven enough to build a house. You cut the wood, prime it and nail it together to put something meaningful inside such as a family, friends and loved ones. It is not something that can be bought in stores that can be easily replaced, or be bought for value.

 According to Fromm, love is a characteristic that will give us the patience to learn to love and to treat other’s in our lives as we do in our work. He says also, that by practicing humility and respect in our interpersonal lives, we will be able to learn to love everything we come into contact with.

It was recently that I had a conversation regarding love and money with my friend’s older sister, whom I have never spoken with prior to this. She was saying that she valued love and money the same way because she felt that you needed each one to be happy in life. She proceeded to say that now a days it’s realistic to say that most relationships would value money because money can in turn give you happiness. It can give you the ability to live in nice houses, go on trips and overall live the American dream. I was a little confused by this because I felt that money can often times put a cloudy mask on things in relationships. More so, it tends to be the first thing couples argue about when discussing their futures. She told me that if I really valued love over money that I was absolutely lying to myself. The conversation pretty much escalated into a heated discussion of why I was dumb to think that love would conquer all. I know I might be a little corny at times and maybe overly optimistic but I would rather love someone for all the right reasons than the wrong.

Later, I found out that the older sister had come from a broken family. Her real Dad abandoned her with her three younger sisters and left no money. Her Mom was forced to give one of the sisters up to child protective services because she wasn’t fit to care for three children. More so, after her Mother eventually remarried, the step dad had paid for all medical expenses, a house, food, etc. It was almost as if a prayer had been answered for the family.

After knowing this information I started to think about the bigger picture. I began connecting the dots and how she might view love and money. Money, to her, was something that resembled a stable, healthy, and happy family. Money, was what got them a house and a roof over their head. It became a large value in the family because it brought the family back together again. The love may have been absent in the family or at least not shown as an emotion that was valued because her real dad had left her mother and three sisters. She might have related love and abandonment as the same thing. In addition, love has the ability to fade in and out, grow and decline. Money, on the other hand is something that once it is spent you have something to show for it. Whether or not you decide to put a loving family inside the house, you have a house none the less. Her priorities in life where to make sure her Mother and three sisters had a place to sleep at night. It was the top of her hierarchy of needs. Love was something that could come later.

I am really glad that I briefly got to talk to her because I feel like I would have walked away from the situation thinking that she was a shallow person. I would have been ignorant towards the fact that she came from a different up bringing than me. My perception on her changed dramatically after hearing her story and what she learned from her experience. It made me wonder if all of the times I had judged or overlooked other people, that I was in the wrong. I think that this is connected to what Carl Sagan believes

the reason why we have relationships with others is because we are all connected in order to make a meaning of life for ourselves. We are just one of billions and billions of pieces on this earth that create the bigger picture. He also says that if we can find the ability to look past ourselves; our selfishness, ego-centrism, we can find meaning in other people, and life. I believe that both Fromm and Sagan have excellent theories, ideas about life and loving. Life is a constant challenge; we walk and deepen our paths on earth. We trace our steps back to people who we’ve met and loved and we continue to leave a trail.

When we become aware and tolerant of the diversity in the world we can build ourselves to new heights. Taking all of life’s experiences and turning them into lessons can help us grow and develop relationships. Also, when we step outside our shoes and let our selves feel vulnerable, we allow ourselves to feel pain, truth and the reality of life. Sometimes it takes a gentle reminder, a sad story or a dramatic experience to realize that there are billions of people out there just like us, and yet so different than us all at the same time. That’s the beauty of life. Different stories. Different backgrounds. You never know who’s shoes you will walk in next.