"You Can Call Me Al"

The song “You Can Call me Al” by Paul Simon has an affect on me that I have never really been consciously aware about. I noticed that since I could remember I always sang and hummed the song. I never knew who sang the song or where I heard it from. To me, it was kind of like that song that gets stuck in your head but you don’t know what it is called. This use to drive me crazy…it was the tip of the tongue feeling.

My previous visit home I was humming the song in the kitchen and my Mom started singing the lyrics. I turned around in amazement and asked her who sings the song. I told her that in the most random times of day the song would magically appear in my head. My Mom turned to me and told me that it was a Paul Simon song and that his c.d. used to be my favorite when I was a baby. She said that when she played the c.d. Graceland I would bounce up and down, clap my hands and rock back and forth until I had exhausted myself out. As I got older my Mom would put the song on when I would through temper tantrums or when she was trying to cook or clean.

After hearing all of this information all the pieces started coming together. This song was a trigger, a cue that brought past childhood memories to life again. Then I began to realize, the random humming and singing would only happen when I would see things that reminded me of my Mom. The song had such a significant value to me because it represented important parts of my life; the memories that I had created with my Mom.

I asked my Mom to burn me a copy of the c.d. and send it to me. And so, I’ve been sitting here listening to the song, “You Can Call Me Al, Graceland, Diamonds on the Sole of Her Shoes” and thinking about all the smells, conversations and feelings that I had when these songs were playing. One of the fondest memories I have with my Mom is her baking chocolate chip cookies. It was raining outside and I had wanted hot chocolate and had asked my Mom to help me boil the water. I remember hearing our old 1960’s wooden cabinets clunk together (really 1960’s!) and wondering what my Mom was doing. Moments later I heard the mixer being used, so I went in the kitchen to investigate. She was making cookies and placing them on the cookie sheet. She smiled and told me that she would love my help. So that evening I helped my Mom make about three dozen cookies while Paul Simon played in the background. I also remember several instances when my Mom would put the c.d. on and quilt. She was a very creative quilter. She used to design quilts that she would see in her dreams or from her childhood. (which is ironic for this project.) Nobody to this day quite understands them or can follow the colors, design or story behind them except for her and those who know my Mom very well. I remember when she would quilt she and have Paul Simon playing she would tell me every story about every patch, color or stitch she made.

Also, my Mom taught me how to play Chutes and Ladders with Paul Simon playing in the background. She said that it always put me in a good mood even if I was a poor sport sometimes! Paul Simon songs make feelings and emotions that used to be regressed, surface. When I hear these songs I think about my family, dogs, friends, and especially Mom. I am the luckiest daughter in the world to have a Mom like mine. She has created lasting and unforgettable memories in my life that I will tell my children about one day. I know that these memories can always be re created simply just by putting “You Can Call Me Al” on in my ipod. 

True Life: Escaping My Life

Living here in SF makes me aware of the people less fortunate than myself who live in poverty. Everywhere I look I see homeless people; begging for food, drug money, or just a place to keep them warm. Personally, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept of being homeless. What brought these people to where they are now? Was it certain life experiences, problems, personality or mentality? I almost feel like it would be close to impossible for me to ever be homeless.  I would never let myself get that point in my life where my home was the streets and my only source of income relied on the people who took pity towards me. I strongly believe that my flight or fight instincts would kick in and I would do whatever it took to maintain whatever type of crappy, depressing and low paying job it was in order to keep a roof over my head and food on the table. I would mentally push myself to extreme limits in order to survive and move forward in life.

I guess that is the difference between the people who “escape life” and end up on the streets in unhealthy conditions, and those who take responsibility for their lives and manage to work through the unfavorable circumstances that life brings them. One of the reasons why people stay in jobs that they don’t like is because they have to make a living.  If they don’t have a job that brings in money than they will have to deal with the consequences such as: no food, shelter, clothing, education etc. Part of life is learning how to make it work and evolve into something that fulfills your dreams, goals and desires. If we all quit our jobs every time we got upset at someone or disagreed with someone we would ALL be unemployed and homeless. In addition, I think that people who escape life show a lack of discipline, strength, perseverance and drive. Life is not intended to be something that just passes us by; it is something that takes a lot of work and effort to make work right. Life, is a task all in itself. The ones who decide to take the easy way out and hide from the reality of it are the ones who miss out on living, growing and reaching dreams. On the other hand, those who confront their problems with work, school, relationships etc, instead of giving up, come to find that often times life’s cruel and unusual punishments are actually blessings in disguise.

By staying alert and engaged in the different spheres of our lives we can fight the feelings that make us want to give up and quit. We will face negative situations in life that deter us from moving forward so that we can accomplish important things. More so, we will resume responsibility in order to better ourselves, reach that step that brings us closer to our goals; whether it  be graduating college, getting a raise, paying off debt; we all have to keep pushing ourselves. Watts had an excellent way of viewing life. He said that life is a journey. It isn’t supposed to be easy. If it was, we would never learn from our mistakes, consequences or develop as a person. Your whole life you are told you need to accomplish something and get somewhere so that you can make advancements in life. When you finally achieve those things you have to start over. We don’t stop and settle with what we have or are given, we continue to created new goals and dreams so that we have a purpose to live life.

We should not take advantage of our lives in the sense that we take things for granite such as a job that we half ass because we hate the people, but we should take advantage of our ability to become anything we want. We have so many opportunities to make something of ourselves and so many resources to help us get there. Escaping life is a choice, a decision to not do anything at all. Living life is a privilege because it allows us to explore and express ourselves on a daily basis.

I’ve been blessed by God or a higher power because my life has been anything but ordinary since I was born. I was born in India Calcutta and adopted by a family in California. I’ve been living here for the last twenty two years of my life. I have the most amazing, loving, and supportive family in the world. Words can’t explain how fortunate and lucky I am to be living here, going to school here and building a life for myself. When I think about my life and the conditions I could be living in, I instantly thank God for giving me this new life. There are times when I complain about school, friends, family, money etc. I realize that I have nothing to complain about. No matter what my problems may be in the moment or what I’m going through that day, it does not compare to what I could be complaining about if I still lived in India. Being adopted really gave me this new look on life. As corny as it may sound I live life to the fullest with no regrets and I don’t look back. I work through all my problems one day at a time and make sure that I remember that there are much worse things in life that could have happened to me.

The Trusting, Humble, Caring Man: Daru

"The Guest" by Albert Camu was a short story about three men named Balducci, Daru, and The Arab. I believe that Daru(school master) was a very influential and notable character in this story because he was a true character. Daru is a school master who during a during a snow storm he makes sure that the farm animals are fed and that the children are able to take a ration of flour home to their families. Although Daru is far better of economically than the others, he still wants to help them. He doesn't boast about his finer things which shows how humble he is. More so, when Daru finds out that the Arab isn't against himself or Balducci, he offers the Arab food and tea. He makes a large meal for the Arab and sets the food on the table, un ties his hands and lets him eat in peace. He doesn't even eat himself until the Arab has finished. Also, Daru is a very trusting person because he takes his gun out of his holster and sticks it in a drawer in the same room as the Arab. He doesn't feel like he has to be on his guard as much as he was told. After the day has ended he lets the Arab sleep in the same room as him still un tied. In the morning, Daru packs the Arab food and water and walks outside with him. Daru had already told Balducci that he did not want to take him to the prison where he was expected to be at. When Daru let's the Arab free from his custody, the Arab starts heading towards the prison. Daru stands there, confused and shocked. Daru's character was easy to identify in the story, he was a gentle person with good morals and someone who was very trustworthy.

Life's Little Journey

As a child growing up, I always remember my Mom telling me to marry a man who can build me a house, not buy me one. What is meant by this, is that it is important to remember that money is not something that should be valued at the same level as love. Money, can be a monetary fix; a band aid that momentarily makes a cut stop bleeding; but after you take the band aid off, there is usually scarring or bruising. Money can only be skin deep. Love, on the other hand, is the ability to be intuitive to other peoples deepest feelings. Love is someone who is patient, dedicated, talented and driven enough to build a house. You cut the wood, prime it and nail it together to put something meaningful inside such as a family, friends and loved ones. It is not something that can be bought in stores that can be easily replaced, or be bought for value.

 According to Fromm, love is a characteristic that will give us the patience to learn to love and to treat other’s in our lives as we do in our work. He says also, that by practicing humility and respect in our interpersonal lives, we will be able to learn to love everything we come into contact with.

It was recently that I had a conversation regarding love and money with my friend’s older sister, whom I have never spoken with prior to this. She was saying that she valued love and money the same way because she felt that you needed each one to be happy in life. She proceeded to say that now a days it’s realistic to say that most relationships would value money because money can in turn give you happiness. It can give you the ability to live in nice houses, go on trips and overall live the American dream. I was a little confused by this because I felt that money can often times put a cloudy mask on things in relationships. More so, it tends to be the first thing couples argue about when discussing their futures. She told me that if I really valued love over money that I was absolutely lying to myself. The conversation pretty much escalated into a heated discussion of why I was dumb to think that love would conquer all. I know I might be a little corny at times and maybe overly optimistic but I would rather love someone for all the right reasons than the wrong.

Later, I found out that the older sister had come from a broken family. Her real Dad abandoned her with her three younger sisters and left no money. Her Mom was forced to give one of the sisters up to child protective services because she wasn’t fit to care for three children. More so, after her Mother eventually remarried, the step dad had paid for all medical expenses, a house, food, etc. It was almost as if a prayer had been answered for the family.

After knowing this information I started to think about the bigger picture. I began connecting the dots and how she might view love and money. Money, to her, was something that resembled a stable, healthy, and happy family. Money, was what got them a house and a roof over their head. It became a large value in the family because it brought the family back together again. The love may have been absent in the family or at least not shown as an emotion that was valued because her real dad had left her mother and three sisters. She might have related love and abandonment as the same thing. In addition, love has the ability to fade in and out, grow and decline. Money, on the other hand is something that once it is spent you have something to show for it. Whether or not you decide to put a loving family inside the house, you have a house none the less. Her priorities in life where to make sure her Mother and three sisters had a place to sleep at night. It was the top of her hierarchy of needs. Love was something that could come later.

I am really glad that I briefly got to talk to her because I feel like I would have walked away from the situation thinking that she was a shallow person. I would have been ignorant towards the fact that she came from a different up bringing than me. My perception on her changed dramatically after hearing her story and what she learned from her experience. It made me wonder if all of the times I had judged or overlooked other people, that I was in the wrong. I think that this is connected to what Carl Sagan believes

the reason why we have relationships with others is because we are all connected in order to make a meaning of life for ourselves. We are just one of billions and billions of pieces on this earth that create the bigger picture. He also says that if we can find the ability to look past ourselves; our selfishness, ego-centrism, we can find meaning in other people, and life. I believe that both Fromm and Sagan have excellent theories, ideas about life and loving. Life is a constant challenge; we walk and deepen our paths on earth. We trace our steps back to people who we’ve met and loved and we continue to leave a trail.

When we become aware and tolerant of the diversity in the world we can build ourselves to new heights. Taking all of life’s experiences and turning them into lessons can help us grow and develop relationships. Also, when we step outside our shoes and let our selves feel vulnerable, we allow ourselves to feel pain, truth and the reality of life. Sometimes it takes a gentle reminder, a sad story or a dramatic experience to realize that there are billions of people out there just like us, and yet so different than us all at the same time. That’s the beauty of life. Different stories. Different backgrounds. You never know who’s shoes you will walk in next.

My Little Voice Within

I felt like I had hit rock bottom in my life. I felt completely discouraged, defeated and powerless about the decisions and choices I was faced with and it felt like I was trying to make sense and organization out of a tornado that had just taken everything familiar and secure in my life and blew it away.

More so, I felt like there was a giant hole in the center of my invisible body; I walked around absent mindedly and came into contact with many important friends and family members. They couldn’t see me, nor hear me, but I could feel them. I felt all of their fears, stress, problems and dreams crash through me like white water rapids. Every inch of my entire being had been consumed with mental and physical pain.

It wasn’t until I heard Christina Aguilera’s song “The Voice Within.” that made me realize how much this song had a particular impact on my life and the way that I live. Personally, I’ve never been a big of her music but for some reason this seems to be the song I keep coming back to for any occasion whether it’s to cheer me up, calm me down or bring me back to re live certain memories. There are only a few instruments that I can identify which are the piano, and the symbols. The piano plays a soft, sweet and slow melody that almost resembles church music. The momentum of Christina’s voice gives the song power, meaning and strength. She makes the song come alive with her down to earth lyrics. She says “When there’s no one else, look inside yourself, like your oldest friend just trust the voice within then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way, you’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within.” Just as Watts, Christina expresses an idea about life through her lyrics.

I believe that this song is very important because it very relatable. It doesn’t matter your age, ethnicity, values, goals, beliefs etc. The song discusses how anyone who has ever felt stress, discouragement, fear or isolation in their life can find a “voice” within them that will provide strength and guidance in making decisions in their life. Metaphorically this represents our ability to believe in ourselves and to believe that we are capable of anything we set our minds to. Also, that we have to trust ourselves to have control over the decisions we make, whether they are right or wrong they map the road which we walk our journey on. We are all artists in life, how we express ourselves varies from each individual. Some may live life as dancers, painters, architects, scientists, mothers, farmers, teachers etc. but at the end of the day everyone has to make decisions regarding their life. Every decision that we make is responsible for an affect on who we are as a person and how we learn and behave.

In addition, I found that this video really helped me deal with the problems in my life. I was feeling overwhelmed by all of the stresses and concerns that I felt I needed to be responsible for other people. I had no feeling of stability or control and I was loosing hope in myself as well as the world. I really like the video because it has such a real simplistic feeling to it. There is something so human, vulnerable and personal about it that I find comforting. The video is inspiring, beautiful and freeing.

I live my life with security knowing that at the end of the day even if I’m alone I can rely on myself to make decisions. I live my life knowing that there isn’t anyone who can prepare me for how hard life is. It isn’t something can be described, taught or learned by anyone other than yourself. There’s no book or rules that can help prepare us for the types of decisions we will have to face but there is that little voice within us that can help us make those decisions confidently. Nobody should feel alone in life, we are all experiencing the same things in one way or another.

After hearing the song “Voices Within” for the first time I felt like I was watching movie of my own life playing in slow motion in my head. Every important person, event, and memory that had a significant meaning to me consumed my mind and body. It was as if I was experiencing an outer body experience. I was watching myself spinning in a chair and watching my entire twenty two years of life un fold in front of my eyes. The more the song played, the louder it seemed to get and the more uniform my thoughts became to be. In addition, I felt this overwhelming sense of freedom and confidence. It was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could literally fly off the ground at any moment.

My Little Voice Within

I felt like I had hit rock bottom in my life. I felt completely discouraged, defeated and powerless about the decisions and choices I was faced with and it felt like I was trying to make sense and organization out of a tornado that had just taken everything familiar and secure in my life and blew it away.

More so, I felt like there was a giant hole in the center of my invisible body; I walked around absent mindedly and came into contact with many important friends and family members. They couldn’t see me, nor hear me, but I could feel them. I felt all of their fears, stress, problems and dreams crash through me like white water rapids. Every inch of my entire being had been consumed with mental and physical pain.

It wasn’t until I heard Christina Aguilera’s song “The Voice Within.” that made me realize how much this song had a particular impact on my life and the way that I live. Personally, I’ve never been a big of her music but for some reason this seems to be the song I keep coming back to for any occasion whether it’s to cheer me up, calm me down or bring me back to re live certain memories. There are only a few instruments that I can identify which are the piano, and the symbols. The piano plays a soft, sweet and slow melody that almost resembles church music. The momentum of Christina’s voice gives the song power, meaning and strength. She makes the song come alive with her down to earth lyrics. She says “When there’s no one else, look inside yourself, like your oldest friend just trust the voice within then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way, you’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within.” Just as Watts, Christina expresses an idea about life through her lyrics.

I believe that this song is very important because it very relatable. It doesn’t matter your age, ethnicity, values, goals, beliefs etc. The song discusses how anyone who has ever felt stress, discouragement, fear or isolation in their life can find a “voice” within them that will provide strength and guidance in making decisions in their life. Metaphorically this represents our ability to believe in ourselves and to believe that we are capable of anything we set our minds to. Also, that we have to trust ourselves to have control over the decisions we make, whether they are right or wrong they map the road which we walk our journey on. We are all artists in life, how we express ourselves varies from each individual. Some may live life as dancers, painters, architects, scientists, mothers, farmers, teachers etc. but at the end of the day everyone has to make decisions regarding their life. Every decision that we make is responsible for an affect on who we are as a person and how we learn and behave.

In addition, I found that this video really helped me deal with the problems in my life. I was feeling overwhelmed by all of the stresses and concerns that I felt I needed to be responsible for other people. I had no feeling of stability or control and I was loosing hope in myself as well as the world. I really like the video because it has such a real simplistic feeling to it. There is something so human, vulnerable and personal about it that I find comforting. The video is inspiring, beautiful and freeing.

I live my life with security knowing that at the end of the day even if I’m alone I can rely on myself to make decisions. I live my life knowing that there isn’t anyone who can prepare me for how hard life is. It isn’t something can be described, taught or learned by anyone other than yourself. There’s no book or rules that can help prepare us for the types of decisions we will have to face but there is that little voice within us that can help us make those decisions confidently. Nobody should feel alone in life, we are all experiencing the same things in one way or another.

After hearing the song “Voices Within” for the first time I felt like I was watching movie of my own life playing in slow motion in my head. Every important person, event, and memory that had a significant meaning to me consumed my mind and body. It was as if I was experiencing an outer body experience. I was watching myself spinning in a chair and watching my entire twenty two years of life un fold in front of my eyes. The more the song played, the louder it seemed to get and the more uniform my thoughts became to be. In addition, I felt this overwhelming sense of freedom and confidence. It was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could literally fly off the ground at any moment.


Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within
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DJ Shadow's Funky Beats

DJ Shadow definitely took the right path by doing something different on his albums in comparison to all the other popular mainstream albums out there. I think that what he did was very creative and unique. All of the music that is sampled on his album came from some other type of music and beat, which was considered music before he cut and chopped them and put it on his album. This is one of the reasons why I still consider this music. To me, music is anything I can dance to. It is any form of sound, beat, rhythm, or tune that expresses or triggers an emotion. More so, what I really find to be interesting is that each song on the album is different from the other. One of the songs has a jazzy- funk feel to it while the next song is more of a classic beat flow. It’s definitely a different sound and feeling compared to the type of music I listen to, but it has something so catchy about it that it makes you wonder who did the instrumentals! I have to say I was quite surprised after listening to a couple of his songs that he had sampled from random pieces and put them together. The music sounds very coherent and fun.

Over all, I believe that DJ Shadows album is considered music. Even though there aren’t “original” instrumentals on it, it doesn’t mean that it lacks the ability to be music. Music is universal and encompasses so many different forms of sounds that are either created in a studio or from nature. I don’t think anyone has the right to say what is and isn’t considered music. It depends on the individual and how that individual perceives music.

My Cave and Phil's Journey

After watching Groundhog Day I was able to witness how Phil’s process of self discovery and enlightenment resembled my journey in the cave. I was able to distinguish some similarities that I had gone through as well as differences that I had overlooked in my own experience.

First, and what I believe to be most important, is that Phil had to learn that he was the one who had to change to make him happier. The way that Phil acted was that everyone around him was in the wrong. They never met his standards as a friend, co worker or even a partner. Because never seemed satisfied with people he turned bitter and took his frustration out on everyone he surrounded himself with. What Phil really had to learn was that those people weren’t going to change. They weren’t necessarily the ones who needed to change. It was he who needed to change his attitude about life and relationships. Over coming denial is one of the hardest things human’s have to face and often times it takes years and years for someone to finally realize that they have been in the wrong. I think that Phil desperately wanted his friends and coworkers to change so that he would be happy but in reality, he needed to change himself to accept others for who they truly were.

It was important for Phil to understand that the people in his life weren’t going to change. He needed to stop trying to change them and to live his own life. I believe that in my similar situation I wanted so bad to change my boyfriend. I kept lying to myself and telling myself that one day he would change. I never took the responsibility upon myself to say “why don’t I change? Why don’t I face the reality of this problem and walk away?” For some reason I kept expecting everyone else to change around me who had the problem. It took Phil and I to finally be hit hard by a crisis to realize that we had to change our way of living in order to survive and to make ourselves happy again. More so, it took many trial and error episodes for me to see the light and see the problem clearly. It wasn’t until I had seen the light and had a wake up call that made me consciously aware of my own actions and responsibilities. I knew what I had to do and I was determined to make that change and take that large leap in my life because I knew it would better me and my future.

My Truth in Plato's Cave

I had been working on the Embarcadero in Morro Bay for about six years and I had worked my way up from cashier, assistant manager, manager and bookkeeper. To say the least there were many un expected events that made me doubt my ability to be successful and question whether or not my decisions in the work place were true to myself and ethical.

My boss had gone on a month long vacation to Mexico for her husband’s retirement and had left me in charge with full responsibility over the store. Since my boss was leaving for such a long time she had asked her best friend, Annie from college to come and help run the store. I was relived to know that I would have reliable help and gladly accepted her offer.

It was about a week into the month and I began receiving comments from a couple of my coworkers that Annie wanted to be in charge of all the sales on the register during her shift and also that they noticed that she had been seen with large amounts of cash in her wallet. This to me did not sound in the least bit of the way weird or even anything to be concerned about. I shrugged their comments off because after all, I was the manager and the person in charge of everyone in the store and I had everything in control. Or so I thought. One night I was working on the books and noticed that everyday we were either short or over in the last week or so. I took brief note of this and didn’t think anything of it until a week later we were missing over two hundred dollars. This is where my fear came in. My mind was so jumbled that I couldn’t think straight. I was completely responsible for everything that happened in the store and of all the money we made. I clenched my teeth thinking about the reaction my boss would have if I had told her we were short that much money.

SHADOWS-FEAR:
It didn’t even dawn on me that Annie could possibly be stealing money. She was a sixty five year old lady who was so gentle and sweet. All the customers loved her and my boss had obviously trusted her. I felt afraid to question my boss’s judgment. My mind was torn and my ability to decipher what was really going on and what people were telling me seemed hazy. More so, I wasn’t looking forward to telling my boss that her best friend was taking money from our store. What if I was wrong? What if this whole thing was a mistake and I had made a mistake while doing the books? I full heartedly wanted to impress my boss by showing her that I was capable of running the store by myself and now I had failed miserably.

ADJUSTMENT OF SELF:
I made a plan to try to catch Annie in her act, this was the only way I could prove that the money missing wasn’t my fault. After catching her with the exact amount of money in her wallet I decided to make a phone call to my boss and tell her exactly what was going on. I swallowed my pride and did the thing I had been dreading. I realized after this experience that people aren’t whom they always seem to be. When you really look closely you begin to see their true properties, personality and truth. After I had done some serious thinking it dawned on me that by looking deep into the situation I had gone through a learning process. I was a prisoner of my own mind because I had convinced myself that what I was afraid of being true actually wasn’t. I had made the best decision by telling my boss everything that I knew about the situation and with all honesty I also explained how I hadn’t actually seen her literally take the money and put it in her pocket.

RETURN TO THE CAVE:
My boss and Annie never spoke after that day and I felt partially responsible for this outcome. In the end my boss commended me for taking the initiative in doing what I thought was right even though it wasn’t a sure thing. In addition, she told me that that was one of the reason’s she had hired me and kept me part of the team so long because I had a strong mind and I wasn’t afraid to use it. She said that no one else she had hired seemed capable of doing as efficient job as I did. I was the chosen one. I was the one who was qualified and most prepared for whatever task I was given.

Ambiguous Truth