After watching Groundhog Day I was able to witness how Phil’s process of self discovery and enlightenment resembled my journey in the cave. I was able to distinguish some similarities that I had gone through as well as differences that I had overlooked in my own experience.
First, and what I believe to be most important, is that Phil had to learn that he was the one who had to change to make him happier. The way that Phil acted was that everyone around him was in the wrong. They never met his standards as a friend, co worker or even a partner. Because never seemed satisfied with people he turned bitter and took his frustration out on everyone he surrounded himself with. What Phil really had to learn was that those people weren’t going to change. They weren’t necessarily the ones who needed to change. It was he who needed to change his attitude about life and relationships. Over coming denial is one of the hardest things human’s have to face and often times it takes years and years for someone to finally realize that they have been in the wrong. I think that Phil desperately wanted his friends and coworkers to change so that he would be happy but in reality, he needed to change himself to accept others for who they truly were.
It was important for Phil to understand that the people in his life weren’t going to change. He needed to stop trying to change them and to live his own life. I believe that in my similar situation I wanted so bad to change my boyfriend. I kept lying to myself and telling myself that one day he would change. I never took the responsibility upon myself to say “why don’t I change? Why don’t I face the reality of this problem and walk away?” For some reason I kept expecting everyone else to change around me who had the problem. It took Phil and I to finally be hit hard by a crisis to realize that we had to change our way of living in order to survive and to make ourselves happy again. More so, it took many trial and error episodes for me to see the light and see the problem clearly. It wasn’t until I had seen the light and had a wake up call that made me consciously aware of my own actions and responsibilities. I knew what I had to do and I was determined to make that change and take that large leap in my life because I knew it would better me and my future.
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ReplyDeleteDear Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you. Most people like to fantasize that the world evolves around them because they like to be in control of everything, including others in their lives. This is a dangerous and an unhealthy way to live because sometimes it may create a barrier to growing meaningful and long lasting relationships. I think that this may also be a sign of insecurity as well. I knew some people who acted self-centered and egocentric because they wanted other people to respect them. By demanding respect instead of earning respect, one can never achieve this. Instead, people may treat that person with decency, but never having respect for him or her.
I understand what you meant by saying how Phil believed that nobody met his standards. Even when others tried to reach out to him, he was stuck in his own comfort zone. I also believe that the only control you have is over yourself, but in order to change, you must first realize that you are not perfect. Phil was stuck in his comfort zone so that he was too blind to see that he had problems. In addition to realization, one must also want to change. I think it’s difficult for one to realize that self improvement is needed, and sometimes as in Phil’s case, change requires a wake up call.
Wake up calls can be any life-changing event that occurs. Sometimes, this may even be in words so meaningful that one can never forget. I can relate to your story because I also have learned about what it takes to value and understand the balance of control within a relationship. Prior to my own relationship, I believed that women should be in control and have the power in the relationship. For example, if I’m upset at my boyfriend, he should automatically know how to make me feel better right away. Also, if I am agitated and have an attitude, then he should be understanding and forgiving. Obnoxiously, I used to think that if he upset me or didn’t do what I wanted, then I can easily find another replacement because I’m not exactly unattractive.
Luckily, I have a strong partner who mastered the art of communication, and was patient enough to open my eyes to how conceited and selfish I was. I realize that I, too, can’t always control everyone, and that I’m no better than anyone else. My head used to be in the clouds, but fortunately enough, I was pulled back to the ground where my feet should belong. I learned to be patient and caring because I only want the same for myself from others. Besides, you can’t expect to receive what you aren’t willing to give.
Regards,
Gina Pay